Class: Booty

Inherits:
Object
  • Object
show all
Defined in:
lib/booty.rb

Class Method Summary collapse

Class Method Details

.call(input) ⇒ Object 



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# File 'lib/booty.rb', line 2

def self.call(input)
# Entire words only
map = {
  'is' => 'be', 'big' => 'vast',
  'friend' => 'matey', 'my' => 'me',
  'say' => 'cry', 'small' => 'puny',
  'cheat' => 'hornswaggle', 'everyone' => 'all hands',
  'isn\'t' => 'be not', 'the' => 'tha',
  'are' => 'be', 'to' => 't\'',
  'of' => 'o\'', 'am' => 'be',
  'you' => 'ya', 'yes' => 'aye',
  'kill' => 'keelhaul', 'you' => 'ye',
  'no' => 'nay', 'never' => 'nary',
  'i\'m' => 'i be', 'you\'re' => 'you be',
  'girl' => 'lass', 'woman' => 'wench',
  'hello' => 'ahoy', 'beer' => 'grog',
  'quickly' => 'smartly', 'do' => 'd\'',
  'your' => 'yer', 'for' => 'fer',
  'go' => 'sail', 'we' => 'our jolly crew',
  'and' => 'n\'', 'good' => 'jolly good',
  'yeah' => 'aye', 'that\'s' => 'that be',
  'over' => 'o\'er', 'yah' => 'aye',
  'hand' => 'hook', 'leg' => 'peg',
  'eye' => 'eye-patch', 'flag' => 'jolly roger',
  'dick' => 'plank', 'penis' => 'plank',
  'fuck' => 'curse', 'shit' => 'shite',
  'treasure' => 'booty', 'butt' => 'booty',
  'really' => 'verily', 'leg' => 'peg',
  'them' => '\'em', 'house' => 'shanty',
  'home' => 'shanty', 'quickly' => 'smartly',
  'posted' => 'tacked to the yardarm',
  'address' => 'port o\' call', 'work' => 'brig',
  'invalid' => 'sunk', 'sorry' => 'yarr',
  'hey' => 'ahoy', 'boss' => 'admiral',
  'manager' => 'admiral', 'captain' => 'Cap\'n',
  'friends' => 'shipmates', 'people' => 'scallywags',
  'earlier' => 'afore', 'women' => 'wenches',
  'wife' => 'lady', 'girls' => 'lassies',
  'interstate'=> 'high seas', 'highway' => 'ocean',
  'car' => 'boat', 'truck' => 'schooner',
  'suv' => 'ship', 'airplane' => 'flying machine',
  'machine' => 'contraption', 'driving' => 'sailing',
}

# Pirate filler
fill = [
  'avast', 'splice the mainbrace',
  'shiver me timbers', 'ahoy',
  'arrrrr', 'arrgh',
  'yo ho ho', 'yarrr',
  'eh', 'arrrghhh',
  'where\'s me rum?', 'walk tha plank',
  'arrr', 'ahoy matey',
  'surrender yer booty', 'prepare to be boarded',
  'hoist the mizzen', 'blow me down',
  'swap the poop deck', 'ye landlubber',
  'bring \'er alongside', 'hang \'im from the yardarm',
  'blow the man down', 'let go and haul',
  'heave to', 'take no prisoners',
  'belay that', 'me bucko',
  'lock \'im in irons', 'and a bottle \'o rum',
  'and donae spare the whip', 'pass the grog',
  'and swab the deck', 'fire the cannon',
  'sleep with t\' fishes',
]

# Punctuation
punct = ['!', '.', '!!']

  words = Array.new()
  input = input.split(/ /)
  input.each do|a|
    #print "word: #{a}\n"
    words.push(a)
  end

  words.each_index {|w|
    if map.has_key?(words[w])
      #print "Word: #{words[w]} Match: #{map[words[w]]}\n"
      words[w] = map[words[w]]
    end
  }

  sentence = words.join(" ")
  #print "Sentence: #{sentence}\n"

  if rand(5) + 1 == 1
    sentence = fill[rand(fill.length)] << punct[rand(punct.length)] << " #{sentence}"
  elsif rand(5) + 1 == 1
    sentence = "#{sentence} " << fill[rand(fill.length)] << punct[rand(punct.length)]
  end

  #print "#{sentence}\n"
  return sentence
end